When Elderly Caregiving Upends Your Life, What’s Next?

couple on couch with elderly mother

Recently our classmate Cindy Davis gave a talk on elderly caregiving as part of Women of Dartmouth’s THRIVE series. A recording of that webinar is linked below. Cindy was kind enough to share some more thoughts on this topic, which is becoming more relevant for many of us as our parents and other loved ones age.

Learn more about Cindy, her caregiving journey, and her career at the bottom of the post.

When Elderly Caregiving Upends Your Life, What’s Next?

Whether it begins with a phone call, a holiday visit, or a growing realization, stepping into the role of caregiver for an aging loved one can flip your world upside down. It shifts your priorities, routines, and sometimes, your very identity.

For some, it starts suddenly—a medical emergency demands immediate involvement. For others, it unfolds gradually—missed medications, a forgotten appointment, or concerns about personal hygiene. You may not have planned to become an informal caregiver, but here you are—navigating new responsibilities with little preparation.

This post introduces informal caregiving for anyone new to the role, currently in the thick of it, or reflecting on a journey recently completed. No matter where you are, you are not alone—and support is available.

Watch the Webinar: When Elderly Caregiving Upends Your Life, What’s Next?

What Is Informal Caregiving?

Informal caregiving is the unpaid care provided to aging or ill loved ones by family members, friends, or neighbors. This care often includes help with meals, transportation, medical appointments, managing medications, personal hygiene, and providing critical emotional support.

The scale of this work is staggering: an estimated 38 million Americans are caring for approximately 80 million older adults. That’s nearly 1 in 6 people providing care—often in addition to full-time jobs, parenting, or managing households.

The average duration of informal caregiving? 4.5 years—and many people provide care for even longer. Over time, what may start as helping out once a week can evolve into daily, around-the-clock care.

And while 60% of caregivers are women, that means 40% are men—a clear sign that caregiving is no longer defined by traditional gender roles. Men are increasingly stepping up, whether for parents, spouses, or extended family, contributing in diverse and meaningful ways.

Who Are Today’s Caregivers?

Caregiving spans generations. While Gen X (mid-40s to late-50s) is at the peak of juggling work, kids, and elder care, Millennials (mid-20s to early 40s) are stepping into caregiving roles earlier—often for grandparents or older relatives.

Here’s how the caregiving landscape breaks down by generation:

  • Silent Generation (1928–1945): Now in their late 70s to 90s, often the recipients of care.
  • Baby Boomers (1946–1964): Many are becoming care recipients but may still be caring for older spouses or relatives.
  • Millennials (1981–1996): Emerging as the next wave of informal caregivers.
  • Generation X (1965–1980): Most likely to be in active caregiving roles today.

And the challenge isn’t limited to age. With 61% of informal caregivers working full- or part-time, many are managing intense responsibilities both at work and at home.

The Real Impact of Caregiving

Caregiving can be deeply rewarding—but also emotionally, physically, and financially draining. Over time, many caregivers experience:

  • Physical strain: From helping with mobility and daily tasks.
  • Emotional fatigue: Watching a loved one decline and making tough decisions.
  • Isolation: Social life and self-care often take a backseat.
  • Financial stress: Out-of-pocket costs and reduced income are common.

This invisible role is vital to the healthcare system. In 2021 alone, informal caregiving contributions were valued at $600 billion, almost double what was spent on formal home and institutional care combined.

How Do You Prepare for the Journey?

If you’ve already started caregiving—or think you might soon—here’s what you can do:

  • Acknowledge the role. Many people don’t realize they are “caregivers” at all.
  • Start early conversations. Ask your loved one what they want for the future.
  • Make a plan. Research resources, legal documents, and care needs before a crisis hits.
  • Seek support. There are more tools and communities than ever before to help you.
  • Watch the webinar, share this post, and bookmark GeriScope

GeriScope: A Resource to Help You Navigate

At GeriScope, we’ve been there. Our team combines personal caregiving experience with expert knowledge to help you plan, adjust, and manage the road ahead. Whether you’re wondering when to step in, how to coordinate care with family, or how to support your own well-being, we’re here.

Explore the GeriScope website. Because when caregiving upends your life, the next step is finding your way forward.

More about Cindy Davis

Cindy Davis

I am a proud Dartmouth ’85, and my connection to the College has come full circle as the son I raised while caring for my aging father is now a Dartmouth Class of 2025 senior. My passion for elder care advocacy began long before my personal caregiving journey—it started in high school when I wrote my college application essays on maintaining senior independence, socialization, and health as a Pre-Medicine major.

In 2018, I took a rare and precious weekend break from caregiving to attend a Women of Dartmouth Workshop in Chicago. That experience energized me and reignited my passion to be of service to the elderly, their loved ones, and caregivers. Since then, I have put those lessons to work—building GeriScope, writing The Elderly Caregiver Survival Guide, and preparing a THRIVE session to help women navigate the life-changing demands of elder care.

My professional background has further shaped my expertise. As Chief Revenue Officer and Consultant for MyDirectives, I have worked with clinicians, Medicare Advantage plans, and post-acute care providers to implement digital advance care planning solutions. My MBA from UCLA Anderson, my B.A. from Dartmouth, and my finance experience have all given me a unique ability to analyze, structure, and simplify complex caregiving challenges into actionable, real-world solutions. I wrote my book because I wished I had a guide like What to Expect When You’re Expecting—but for the final chapters of life. Now, I’m excited to help Dartmouth women facing these challenges gain clarity, strategies, and the confidence to take control of their caregiving journey—without sacrificing their careers, families, or well-being.

Speaker in two National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization (NHPCO) webinars and panel discussion at Florida Association of Accountable Care Organization (FLAACO) Conference on advance care planning in healthcare. Organized and led multiple career training sessions for employees and advisory board meetings for clients and small business owners at major corporate events throughout career.

In Memoriam: Joseph Koniszewski

Sad news about our classmate Joe, who passed away in January. From his obituary page (where you can leave tributes and pictures): “Joe Koniszewski, 62, of Peckville, died peacefully after a long battle with pancreatic cancer on the evening of Thursday, January 30 surrounded by his family. He is survived by his wife of 28 years, the former Anne Mary Yanni, and his three children – the loves of his life – Joseph, Julia, and Alissa. Joe’s family was the most important thing in life to him, and he will miss them dearly. He couldn’t thank God enough for his three wonderful children and couldn’t be prouder of them.

Born in Scranton, Joe was the son of the late John and Theresa Koniszewski. He was a member of the 1975 Carbino Club Little League All-Star team that was 1 game from reaching the Little League World Series in Williamsport. The Pennsylvania State Champions lost to the eventual World Series Champions of Lakewood, New Jersey in the United States Regional Final.

Photo posted by Ed Simpson at Margotta website.

Joe attended Valley View School District and was senior class president, Valedictorian, and played multiple sports including football, track & field, baseball, and basketball. He graduated from Dartmouth College with a Bachelor of Arts in Economics. He was a member of Theta Delta Chi Fraternity serving as house manager, a 3-year football letterman, and the Dragon Senior Honor Society. He graduated from the University of Scranton with an MBA in Finance.”

Anne Schonfield’s Olympia Mini-Reunion

Anne Schonfield writes: “In late April 2023, me, Cathy Wasserman, Fiona Harrison, Shirley Idelson and Stephanie O’Neal gathered at Cathy’s house in Olympia, WA for a mini reunion (not sure why it took me 7 months to send this to you… alas!).  The five of us have been in touch but this was only our second reunion in 39 years (but who’s counting?!).  We spent the weekend hanging out, had several dinners, went for a hike, walked to local parade in downtown Olympia (also in the rain!), and generally caught up.  It was so wonderful to see each other. 

Here’s a quick summary of the 5 of us: Fiona is a professor of Physics and Chair of Physics, Math and Astronomy at Caltech University.  Cathy was the State Epidemiologist for Non-Infectious Conditions at Washington State Department of Health (recently retired).  Stephanie is a retired lawyer and Adjunct Instructor at Los Angeles Valley College. I run my own consulting firm, working with foundations and non profits.  Shirley is the Director of the Jewish Nonprofit Management at Hebrew Union College.  It’s a group of high-powered friends!”

Thanks for checking in, Anne!

Senior Fall Update from Class Scholar Nacho Gutierrez ’25

Ignacio “Nacho” Gutierrez has been selected again this year as the Class of 1985 Scholar. We’ve been with Nacho since his first year, and it’s been amazing to share his Dartmouth career with him. We’ve been especially fortunate that Nacho regularly shares his experiences and achievements with us; not all Scholars do. Use the links at the bottom of this post to see Nacho’s letter with pictures, and catch up on some of his prior letters as well.

Dear Class of 1985,

Yesterday was my last first day of college, and it’s hard to believe how quickly time has flown by. It feels like I blinked, and now I’m a Senior. Currently we’re preparing to hold auditions for Improv and A Capella, and my fraternity will be bringing in new members soon. It’s been a pleasure reconnecting with my classmates—many of whom I hadn’t seen in over a year due to my off-term and exchange.

This past summer, I worked at an International Arbitration firm and was fortunate to receive a return offer. I’m super excited about moving to Washington, DC after graduation as it’s the location many of my close friends are moving to. The job combines enough law to make the day-to-day work interesting, and enough finance/valuation to develop new skills while earning a competitive salary and signing bonus! In the long term, I hope to grow in the Arbitration industry from the legal side and eventually handle cases in Latin America. For now, though, I see this as a great opportunity to learn and grow. But I am definitely considering applying for JD/MBA degrees, specifically deferred admissions programs later this year.

I’ve attached some photos from the start of term along with a video project I recently completed. Lastly, if any ’85 alumni are ever in Hanover, feel free to let me know—I’d be happy to meet up and show you around campus. I hope all is well!

Cheers,
Ignacio Gutierrez ’25
San Luis Rio Colorado, Sonora, Mexico

Fall_2024_Scholar Statement_Ignacio Gutierrez_25Download
Spring_2024_Scholar Statement_Ignacio Gutierrez_25Download
2023_Scholar Statement_Ignacio Gutierrez_25Download

In Memoriam: Sean Murphy

Sean Murphy

We’re sad to pass along the news that our classmate, John C. “Sean” Murphy, passed away on July 1, 2024. The cause was complications from Type 1 diabetes. Sean was an English major at Dartmouth and lived in Albuquerque, New Mexico. The obituary published by French Funerals follows:

Sean was born in 1963 in Corrales, New Mexico. He was a graduate of the Albuquerque Academy’s Class of 1981; he earned a BA in English from Dartmouth College in 1985 and completed a Master’s at St John’s College, Santa Fe, in 1994. From his first days as an English teacher to his final two decades as a head of school, he devoted his professional life to the vision and mission of independent schools across the country. He found his true home in leading Episcopal schools, where his faith and love for others found full expression. When he spoke at a school assembly or commencement, gave a eulogy, or wrote for school publications, his gift was to mix the simple and personal with the profound, leading congregations as easily as he did conversations. As a scholar, he loved quoting Aristotle and Shakespeare. As an orator, he was not afraid of tears or silence. 

As an upper school administrator at Albuquerque Academy, associate head at Oldfields School in Glencoe, Maryland, then Head of School at Palmer Trinity in Miami, Florida and finally at St Andrew’s in Austin, Texas, he mentored and inspired a generation of school leaders, who are now transforming schools nationwide. 

Always looking for ways to serve, Sean spent many years on the board at the National Association of Episcopal Schools; he was chair of the board for the Council for Spiritual and Ethical Education; he served on the board of the Florida Independent Schools Association where he chaired the committee on Standards and Accreditation; he was elected to the Country Day Schools Headmaster’s Association; and he was active in the National Association of Independent Schools (NAIS). After his retirement from Saint Andrew’s, he continued to serve on the board of Headwaters School in Austin and had recently joined the board of St. Mark’s Montessori School in Albuquerque. Sean impacted thousands of people over the course of his professional life. This is his legacy. 

Sean loved The Grateful Dead and Bob Dylan, and knew every John Prine song by heart. His favorite act of hospitality was to serve up a rare ribeye steak, a side of green chile, and a homemade blueberry pie. He enjoyed the occasional Cuban cigar. 

He adored his family; they retreated every summer to their lakeside cabin in Cable, Wisconsin. He was a loving husband and a steadfast father, who attended every one of Helen’s cross-country races as well as all of Jackie’s theater performances. He was so proud of them. 

Sean is survived by his wife, Katrina Murphy, his devoted partner in every way. They would have been married 28 years on July 27. His wedding gift to her was to build a horse barn at their Albuquerque home. He pitched hay and shoveled manure, and greeted Katrina in the back alley when she returned from riding in the Bosque. He took the reins and led her through the gate. He would say this was the most important work he ever did. 

In addition to Katrina, he leaves behind his daughters, Helen (24) and Jackie (23), both of Austin, Texas. He is also survived by his brother Tom Blueher and his wife Fran, his brother John Blueher and his wife Kim, and his sister Von Roberson and her husband Robby. 

He is preceded in death by his two brothers Bill Blueher of Telluride and Peter Murphy, as well as his parents: his father John C. Murphy and his mother Joann Cooper Murphy. 

Sean admired and supported The Gazelle Foundation, which saves lives by developing clean water sources in the small African country of Burundi. In lieu of flowers, we hope friends will consider a gift to The Gazelle Foundation through his memorial page at https://www.betterunite.com/gazellefoundation-honorthelifelegacyofseanmurphy .

Sean died of complications from Type 1 Diabetes, which he had battled since childhood, so another organization he cared about was Breakthrough T1D, formerly JDRF, at https://www.breakthrought1d.org/ whose research surely had a role in extending his life.

New Bridges to Healthcare Recipients

One of the very important things your class dues help to fund is our Bridges to Healthcare program. This program helps with the costs of preparing to apply to medical school, assisting undergraduates from populations that are facing socioeconomic barriers. Learn more about this important program our class is funding and the amazing students whose dreams it’s helping to fulfill.

A Berkeley Mini-Reunion

In early June of last year, Anne Schonfield, Cathy Wasserman, Fiona Harrison, and Stephanie O’Neal gathered at Anne’s house in Berkeley, CA for a mini reunion.  Anne writes “The four of us have been in touch over the years, and see each other separately, but this was the first time in 38 years (since graduation!) that the four of us got together. 

We spent the weekend together, had several dinners, went for a great hike in Pt. Reyes National Seashore (with incredible wildflowers and Tule Elk, see pics) and generally caught up.  It was fabulous to see each other! 

Here’s a quick summary of the four of us: Fiona is a professor of Physics and Dean of Physics, Math and Astronomy at Caltech University.  Cathy is the State Epidemiologist for Non-Infectious Conditions at Washington State Department of Health.  Stephanie is a retired lawyer and Adjunct Instructor at Los Angeles Valley College.  It’s a group of high powered, amazing friends!!  I run my own consulting business, working with foundations and non profits.”

Homecoming 2023

Scenes from Dartmouth Night 2023!

(drone photo at top by Robert Gill for the College.)

Becky Blake Osborne’s 60th Extravaganza

  • 60th Birthday extravanganza began in France with a spectacular dinner with Kathy & Mark Gross and Eleni Daskalakis Henkel (and husband Peter Henkel) in Monbazillac, France. 
  • Sunrise on the beach at Plum Island with my kids Casey and Matthew on my birthday (9/6)
  • Surprise rooftop cocktail party at the Envoy Hotel on the Boston Seaport, organized by Casey

All in all, a truly memorable debut of this next decade